Whistful

What I really want in my life is to have a room full of children, and be able to teach them anything I want.

This room is large, clean, and contemporary, with high ceilings and artsy lighting. I would teach them about art, english, music, God. We would start together when they are in first grade, and I would move with them over the years.

My role in their lives would change. I would begin as part-time caregiver and babysitter, then gradually move to teacher, then coach, then mentor, and eventually peer. These children would become much, MUCH smarter than I am.

On the weekends, I get to travel and share my art. I have a husband who makes considerable amounts of money, enough that I don't feel guilty for spending my time doing fickle things like art and music. We go to a phenomenal church that has incredible worship music, and I know everyone by name.

We were married for 8 years before we decided to have children... as we decided to travel as much as possible before we had kids. We go to galas and art shows, theatre, opera, coffee shops, book stores, and to zillions of movies. We drive awesome cars.

I have friends of all types. Intellectual conversations are had by all, as well as many, many laughs. We drink white wine with dinner (which I am hosting. with the apron.)

I have connections, and therefore have dinner at nice restaurants and always get in right away. I go to New York to see my sister in a play. Holiday events are always lovely (although we are more than ready to go home after being with the in-laws for so long.) We play cards.

Terrible things happen, as they tend to in life. Disappointments, hard decisions, and sadness can be found often. But these situations turn to beauty, as they are used to glorify my creator. Sometimes the sweetest things come from pain.

In this future, change doesn't terrify me. We move the furniture often, and I feel refreshed.
Fear doesn't hold me back. I go to the gym without feeling dumb. I take chances.
I let people in. No more walls.
Insecurities melt, and I am humble.
and NEVER perfect, thank God.

In this future, I have learned from my mistakes and forgiven myself. There is no guilt in my conversations with God. I smile freely and laugh easily.

I sing to my children as they fall asleep.