I am tired of all the noise.
Life barrels on, and all I feel is my flesh demanding, demanding, demanding. My soul aches for heaven yet the realities of this place slam me back to the ground with every breath I take. It is so easy to get sucked into the expectations of an unrelentingly meaningless and shallow society. All smile without compassion. No one ever wants to know the answer to how-are-you's. Every worldly thing shines with seduction. Arpeggiated voices sound of laughter like bells and voices drip with inviting secrets and promises of forgetting reality. There is a constant ringing in my ears.
I'm tired of it. Absolutely sick. This world has nothing for me.
If all I had was life here, I would be out. Off the face of this planet. Dead by my own hands. It sounds horrible, but life without God is horrible. The astounding thing is that God loves us so much that he will grant us life without Him if it is what we choose. My will is truly so free that I can pick desolation, denial, anger, or apathy as a life worthy of idolatry. He won't pull us away from the decisions we make. He will sit across the room from you with open hands every time you spit on Him, but He will never draw you near without you first coming near to Him.
And the second my eyes fall away from Mount Calvary and the veil that was torn, my flesh would demand my isolation from God, because being a Christian is pretty much the hardest thing in the world. Because God doesn't care if you are happy. He cares that you are His. Through God you will be rewarded with all of the desires of your heart within his will and an eternity of joy and peace. But on this earth, you are rewarded with suffering. Pain that never ceases. Noise that never stops.
So why would I want to be here? How could I desire anything of this world? Well, I don't. Most of the time I don't want to be present.
And yet the truth is that I am saved by Christ, and my presence on earth demands that I have purpose here. My life is intended to mean something and I have the reassurance of health. If I didn't have meaning, God wouldn't hesitate to take my life away. What a demanding, harsh, stunning, obsessive, remarkable, inescapable reality. His love is water pouring over my head, startling me with it's goodness and terrifying me by its depth.
The world is noise. Sensory assaulting, mind numbing, relentless noise. Yahweh's melody is the only peace. I sing with fervor for my savior. And with Him, I live.
