Good News!

Something new is happening to me. My chest has this weird, bubbly, warm feeling. It's almost like the functioning of my organs is creating too much friction. My hands dance, unable to stay still. My limbs twitch with restlessness. My voice sounds somehow quieter than before, my gaze more gentle as though my very features have softened.

I am a new creation--completely enraptured by the Holy Spirit. For the first time, I have reached an understanding of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The Gospel (synonymous with the Good News) is that I am a filthy sinner. I deserve death for the evil that resides within my deepest soul. I am inescapably soiled. Worse still, I am trapped by the ultimate claustrophobia found within the realization that every one who has ever walked this earth is in the same boat. Well... all except for one.

Jesus Christ lived a perfect life in the face of unimaginably, inescapably difficult circumstances. He was slaughtered in a gruesome and public manner, rejected by the world, and isolated by God. Christ cried out and asked that the cup of this horrific murder could be passed from him -- but God denied him. The son of man obeyed, desiring God's will to be done over his own.

As Jesus hung on the cross, God turned His back from him. This was so in order that God would never have to turn his back on me. In that moment, my punishment was lifted. The wrath of God was taken out on the sweet Jesus 2,000 years ago instead of me.

My heart is prone to wander. I turn my back on the perfect lamb's sacrifice and turn to my own selfish desires. Yet God promises that His mercies for me are NEW every morning. This is grace. And as sin increases, so does the grace increase also.

Now, I am changed from the inside out by a part of God living within me-- the Holy Spirit. My desires do a 180 and I am left with utter delight in my gentle Savior. I long to pray because when my eyes are closed, the creator of the universe listens to my heart. I read scripture because God has written me this very intimate letter meant personally for me to understand the purpose of life. I serve others because I can't help it. I so desperately want them to understand the Gospel. I want them to feel deep joy rooted to their very core. Sin calls to me, but by the grace of God I am not seduced.

I am a NEW creation, no longer bound to sin but free from condemnation. I am a child of God - an heir to His kingdom. I am a saint. I am free of the oppression of American society because I am simply a momentary visitor to the world. A sojourner. There is a room waiting for me in Heaven, where I shall live for all of time.

I will not taste death. Judgement and ridicule from people in my life rolls off my back because I am free to dwell within the love of Yahweh. I no longer have to shout and fight to prove that I am worthy of affirmation, because I am eternally affirmed through my identity in Christ.

The best part is that I could study this phenomenon of the Good News every single day for the rest of my life and would never have scratched the surface. I am indescribably humbled and more grateful than words could ever express.

It makes my chest have this weird, bubbly, warm feeling.

The die has been cast.

"The die has been cast. The decision has been made.
I am a disciple of Jesus.
Therefore, I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away or be still.
My past is redeemed, my present is empowered and my future is secure.
I’m done with low living, sight waking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions, mundane talking, cheap giving and dwarfed goals.
I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, praise or popularity.
I don’t have to win, be first, be right, recognized, regarded or rewarded.
I now live by faith, lean on His presence, love with patience, live by prayer and labor with power.
My goal is God’s glory, my face is set, my pace is fast, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, my guide is reliable and my mission is clear.
I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed.
I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity or meander in the maze of mediocrity.
I won’t give up, shut up, let up or slow up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up and spoken up for the cause of Christ.
I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know and work till He stops me.
Christ has qualified me to become a part of the Fellowship of the Unashamed.
I am His and He is mine."

-The Fellowship of the Unashamed, as shared by Tullian Tchividjian in his sermon Jesus + Nothing = Everything
http://www.thevillagechurch.net/sermon/jesus-plus-nothing-equals-everything/

Patent-leather shoes.

I am a very introspective person. I can sit around for hours and hours, all on my own, thinking. It has often times lead me down strange paths, into the unknown abyss of wondering why I was ever created, if there is any purpose to life... yada yada yada.

Weird thing is... I have found the answer. The path that lead me to this epiphany was in realizing that I hate myself. 

Woah woah woah, don't check out. This isn't THAT kind of blog. Simmer.

Ever since I had a bowl cut in the 90's, I have known that I am a sinner. I am disgusting. I am awful. That God finds my very nature to be putrid. My self image has been wrapped around this idea that I am deeply broken and appalling. 

I'm not sure if children are always taught of God's wrath first because it is meant to scare the pink-cheeked, middle-class, patent-leather-shoed children of America into submission... or if small minds are only capable of avoiding the negative. Regardless of the origin, I knew to fear God. I knew that if I didn't say my prayers right, or missed a Sunday, or swore at my sister, that I would be condemned to hell (which, disclaimer, is not scriptural truth... HELLO.)

I had a running scoreboard in my head, something similar to the house points at Hogwarts. 10 points to sin! 50 points to righteousness! It was a race of sorts, my soul balancing in the middle. My ideology was focused upon the idea that sin separates man from God. I knew that scripture refers to the idea that all sin is equal. All sin is equal before the eyes of God, meaning that rolling my eyes at my mother and murder are equally horrific to God. This is all true.

Yet, I missed something big along the way. 

My middle name is Grace, did you know that? Lindsey Grace Clegg. Do you know what grace means? I didn't. 

GRACE [gr-ae-s[ Noun: Divine love and protection bestowed freely on people.

Sins are like the bottom of the ocean floor. Human lies, and views their sin as shallow, near the beach. Human rapes, and this sin is viewed to be at the depths of the deep. But grace is the top of the still, still water. God's love is the the ocean, filling in all the inequities of the floor of the sea and allowing grace to cover everything.

Once you confess with your mouth that God is LORD and believe in your heart, then the Heavenly Father sees you from atop the still waters. This idea absolutely blows my mind. I cannot fully understand why God shows us grace, or why His mercies and love are never ceasing. 

It is, truly, comforting to know how much of God I do not understand. I will never come to understand grace, and why God chose for me to partake in it. Yet if we had a God that we were able to understand, there would be no need for faith. There would be no need for His love. Without love given freely, there would be no cross. Without the cross, God never would have turned His back on Jesus during the final hours. Without God having turned His back on His only son, He would have to turn His back on me. 

At the end of the day, here is what I know:

-I am a sinner, and deserve God's wrath

-God loves me freely anyway. 

I relish the beautiful, paradoxical juxtaposition between the wrath of the fear-inspiring God and His all consuming love for us. Jesus took all of the punishment we deserve for having sinned on the cross. The old is gone, and the new is come. The veil was torn, and there is no longer any need for the old law. There is no guilt in the promise of eternal life in bliss, because it is GIVEN FREELY. It is given with grace. 

I am still that rotten 5 year old with the patent-leather shoes. But I am a rotten little tramp who has learned that God doesn't look at my sin. Instead, He looks into my heart and sees that I believe He is LORD, and allows my waters to be stilled with grace. 

I can now view myself as lovely, because I have been reborn to be so. I am in the image of God. I am the daughter of an all-sufficient King. Jesus ransomed me, hanging on the hillside. 

"There is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Because you belong to Him, the power of the life-giving spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death." 

                                      -Romans 8-1-2