Life breathes in and out. The tides change.
...I don't like it.
I'm the kind of person who resists change with everything I've got. I sit stubbornly on a rock at sea, willing the tide to go back out and leave me in peace on my beach. I scowl at the cleverer people standing on the shore, waving for me to swallow my pride and swim to them. Never, I decide, and cross my arms and stomp my feet.
Life is not okay with that. Life takes people away from me and rips the familiarity out of my hands. It replaces happy circumstances with new and foreign discomfort; then mixes in jealousy, sorrow, anxiety, fear, and loneliness. Finally it tosses my hopes into the air, and rolls it all into one giant wave that comes and knocks me over.
If I was smart and level-headed, I would dive under and swim with the wave, allowing myself to be guided back to the shore.
I am rarely smart.
I have been learning lately that I have to figure out a way to let go of the constant need to be in control. Someone asked me today, "What do you truly need to be happy in life?" Upon consideration, I realized that it was not, indeed, my time spent sitting on the rock out at sea.
All I need is God at my center, family nearby, friends at the table, and someone who loves me to tuck me in at night. These things wait for me on the shore.
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