Obsession.

True beauty is discovering your own inadequacy while standing in the light of the King.

Inadequacy is a haunting word. We run from it, dive under a rock and hide. No one ever admits that they are inadequate. We live our lives spending money we don't have and devoting time we shouldn't waste to proving our own adequacy. Our modern society leads us to believe that life is about proving our righteousness on a curve compared to others.

A staggering amount of self-declared Christians in America (including myself) spend their efforts trying to emulate a cheap reflection of Christ instead of having a relationship with Him. Focus is spent upon acting pure rather than dealing with the darkness within. They try to fool other people into thinking they are sinless in hopes that they will be looked up to, respected. They strive to avoid questioning and judgement, believing that this is the key to the kingdom.

The truth is that Christ prefers us in a state of weakness. In Matthew 5:3-5, Jesus says "Blessed are the poor of spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven... Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the Earth."

God knows the darkness within. He sees all of our failures and there is absolutely no covering it up. When we allow ourselves to admit our imperfections and truly sinful nature, that is when we can draw near to Christ. In our weakness, He makes us strong. In our emptiness, He fills us up with His love. In our brokenness, God's grace fills in all the cracks and makes us whole.

This last week at camp, I was able to share a part of my testimony with a chapel full of middle schoolers. I shared with them about my experience of being bullied in middle school, as well as my ongoing struggle with depression and anxiety. I have always battled with sharing my testimony publicly and generally haven't had the courage to do it in the past. God gave me strength that night, and the Spirit guided my words. When I finally admitted these struggles, fears, and weaknesses; God used me like He never has before. I was able to see the pain I have gone through touch the lives of other young men and women. Young girls came up to me in tears thanking me for my story, and many counselors shared that deep conversations were sparked that night in their cabins. If I had let my pride stop me, some of those campers wouldn't have gotten to know Christ that night the way they did. Soli gloria Dei--all glory be to God.

Nobody is moved by a person who pretends to be perfect. This is the greatest lesson that God is teaching me right now. I am becoming obsessed with the true love of Yahweh. He holds me close at all times, and carries me when I am weak. I have been having panic attacks lately and even been passing out due to my anxiety. The beautiful thing is that it forces me to rely on Christ's strength at all times. Instead of mourning the loss of my "perfectly strong" facade, I celebrate God's goodness in the times of my distress. I am a beautifully broken King's kid, and He loves me despite my past and wretched sins. I feel His grace and tender caring love around me as His mercies are refreshed each morning.

The nature of God's unconditional, agape love points directly to the cross. Allowing oneself to be meek, humble, and broken before the creator of the universe is a life worthy of the gospel. Live worthy of the gospel, and watch your life change infront of your very eyes.

Find yourself obsessed with His true love, and watch Him fill you up with a peace and joy like you could never imagine.