like marbles from my mouth

moisture fills the air
melting away any facade held dear
paint drips in the rain
my head aches with memories
eyes search the room
looking for someone to hold on to

the feeling increases
my face transparent
eyes closed
as I realize how strange I must seem
how little I belong here

the new words feel bitter on my tongue
unwelcome change yanks on my arm
pulls me down
I drop my gaze
knowing I need to walk away
unsure of what to do with these unspoken thoughts
dropping like marbles from my mouth
I leave them wordlessly at your feet
backing away into my shame

my arms feel cold
my bed too spacious
I wish time could tumble forward
furiously trickle past this limbo
jump into welcome arms
knowing all the pain had its purpose

for now, I sit
hugging my legs
chin tucked down
listening to my own breathing
the clock
ticks
too loudly in my ears
relentless

nostalgia grabs me by the throat
and my flesh eagerly replies
too willing to scream
betraying my soul
locked in a devious battle

I am bolted down to this place
paralyzed by mediocrity and residual stains
from a sinful world
I slam my eyes upward
and hear Yahweh's voice whisper for the first time

I feel a single drop of grace
splash on my cheek
stuck glistening on my eyelashes

I start from the cold
blink twice and realize
this, is home.